What a treat!

One of Jess's friends dropped us a note today to tell us that she has been thinking about Jess a lot. Especially when she drinks Matcha, Jess's favorite drink.

What a treat to get that message!

Particularly because I've started to notice the inevitable slow down of Jess conversations. We knew this would happen of course. The world keeps turning, unbelievably without her in it.

We’ve been incredibly fortunate. At her Celebration of Life, Rob said something we’ve repeated often: “Don’t be afraid of the J word.” Her friends heard that. They’ve kept her name alive, shared memories, made space for her presence to remain in this world. But even so, time does what time does. People keep living. And Jess inevitably drifts from the center of daily life.

To help navigate this strange new life, I’ve joined a few grief groups online, and what I’ve seen there makes me aware of how rare our experience is. So many grieving parents never hear their child’s name spoken again. No stories. No “I was just thinking about her.” No “he would’ve loved this.” 

In the rush to return to normal (hint: it never will be for us), the grieving are often left behind. Losing someone is one kind of pain. Feeling like they’ve been forgotten is another. 

It's not because people don’t care. More likely,  they don’t know what to say. Or they’re afraid to say the wrong thing.

So I’m here to say: Say something.

If speaking feels too hard, send a message. A quick text. A short note. Share a silly story or passing memory. 

It doesn't matter if you think we already heard it or you sent that photo before, we want it all! You don’t have to be profound. 

It also doesn't matter if it is years or decades later. It still makes a difference.

The smallest thing, like a friend thinking of Jess when drinking Matcha, can make our whole week!

And I promise you, that matters.

Updated: P.S. I shared this, not to hear all the Jess stories (And I always want those!!! So thank you!!!🥰) I shared this to encourage you to reach out to that friend who lost a sibling decades a go, or a spouse, parent or their child, or best friend. My experiece has opened my eyes to how much grief is out there and more importantly how much of it is ignored.