Warning this is a sad one

This quote from Jess has been ringing in my ear since the moment I found out she would not be coming home.

"Mommy I don't want to die for a long time but when we do can we hold hands?"

#stuffmygirlsays (age 3)

Of course there was no scenario where I could see this happening. I always assumed that when I was very old she might hold my hand but the thought that I might hold hers was unfathomable. It was a tender mercy that Jess died instantly and without any suffering AND I am absolutely gutted that I wasn't there to hold her hand.

Metaphorically, and in my heart, it is and will always be true that I was holding her hand, but right now it really doesn't feel like much.